Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Trying Neww Stuf

Tomorrow, whole new day, opportunities everywhere; but tomorrow nothing new for me . I want to try new things, but what new things. I'm very weird when labeling what is fun and what isn't. So, maybe friday(totomorrow, cause today is wednesday) a may try a very new thing, that I really love to try it out. Is fun, full of love and kind of something that the old me will never do, but screw him( not HIM, just me). So,wish me the best of the lucks, cause, because I really need it(CRITICALLY). No, I have not forget HIM, I'm trying do. Neww Stufs here I come.

I Wonder How I Will Seem?

Futurum

Hey future, do I make it? That's a critical question in people(at least me) life. I mean, is your F-ing future, no one else would lived for you; only you can live that future that will become a present someday soon or far it depends. Living your present is a divine gift(don't ask me who, you figure that one out; sorry). So, will I make it? Sometimes, being honest I wish I didn't make it; because the future that I'm seem that is the most probable to happen, is not a happy future is just like my present but worst(tell me about depression). I do hope your future is better than mine, good luck.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I Can't Forget HIM

It seems like nothing can't make me forget HIM for just one second. What should I do? I mean I just can't get amnesia. Today I try ignoring HIM, but as always DESTINY finds a way of putting HIM in my path; I have to admit I always LOVE seeing HIM. So, today was a short day or at least I didn't really spend it all. I just can't stop imagining me and HIM spending time together, holding hands, kissing, meeting like a couple, being in an actual romantic-relationship , and doing so more things together always together; I want to be part of his world(Now I get the "Little Mermaid" song), I want to be more than his friend that he just see two times a day and don't really talk. I want to spend private time with HIM, just me and HIM. Both getting asleep in each other shoulders. I wish that every second of my life, still very very very very very very very very very very sadly nothing good happen; no progress at all, just the opposite regress. So, tomorrow I just wish something good to me happens and that involves HIM.

The Star that makes my Starry Night

Rising Light

Well, it seems like time cannot fix any of my vast collection of PROBLEMS, but I'm on the point of just not staying sit without doing nothing. I have to be thankful to this blog for letting me express the me trap in me. So, thanks you blog. Remember HIM(that person that I'm in a crazy/death love with even knowing he doesn't love me or never will, would) he still being my light and I don't know why; is in my being to love him without any reason(just want reason the fact that he is HIM). Well, it seems like since the day I declare to HIM and he said NO(so sad, life crushing moment for me), it seems like destiny doesn't want to give up on HIM. The reason for me saying this is that now I see HIM even more than before(and I love seeing more of HIM everyday), so that's why I think that. Please tell me if I should not think that? A light has risen to my life, it seems that someone likes me(so odd, you sure is not a dream/wish). Likes me for real; tomorrow I will confirm that and see what is going to happen with that likes. I just want that other people love towards me will make me stop/forget my love for HIM.

Not Losing Hope

Results

Remember how excited I was yesterday and how I talk(write) about how today a series of events were suppose to happen and change my life forever and ever? Well, the events occurred and i guess they turn out somewhat good; but one of the two events kind of disappoint me and heartbreak me for the rest of my life; probably I will, would look depress for the rest of the week and weekend; but the worst that i will, would have to hide that depression for the rest of my life, I mean I'm always pretending to fit in, to be happy, to normal, and depression doesn't look normal in society.

What Happen or Wanted to Happen

First( you don't have to suppose to use the word first as a paragraph started or else you are not a good writer; luckily I don't flipping care), i declare to my best friend that I strongly trust that I'm Homosexual(Gay), she reacted OK I guess she accepted and promise me to keep it as a secret. That was more than perfect.

Second(not suppose to use second either), I declare to her that they GUY that I'm attracted to(my crush, my soul mate, the one that brings happiness to me, and even more) is her ex-boyfriend; again she didn't care and take it OK(they were in a relationship that literally lasted 3 F-ing days, and she did't like him; I mean she left him). So, 2 out of 3 things were perfect, so perfect. Oh, I almost forgot my friend guess who I was attracted to and she was right(she know me so much).

Thirdly(never use this one either), the horrible moment is here, finally what you all were waiting for. Well, the FORCE did help me(thanks you FORCE) to declare to that person that I'm still in love with. How he reacted? Fine I guess he didn't understand at first(so cute) and like was really confused and when he realized he just quote say this "No"(that NO break my life and hope, it shoot down the light that he once, still makes inside of my heart, soul and everything; I just wanted a YES and what do I get NO). What a NO a so important No; but the only good thing is that he promise to keep it as a secret for the rest of my friends, so i should be thankful for that. The day pass I feel like a piece of nothing at all; my head's freeze thinking and remembering that NO moment I mean why?

Finally(you could use this), I still have some expectations and hopes in love; but my first truly love is off the limits, is not his fault being who he is, I don't judge him I'm proud of him being him. I just wanted a chance an opportunity; but doors are closed for me, it seems like it.

Darkness can't exist without Light

Hope is still in me, because the way he reacted he take it so easy and smiled looked happy to me. So, there's hope for me I guess, I want to believe that(please let the hope hit me and open at least one opportunity). So, the happy, sincere, clear, positive, funny part of me goes in him forever and ever. I will, would have to learn to live like this, learn to be another; like a chameleon use camouflage for this live battle that only ends with death.So, tell me where or not you think it went good or bad; because I really don't know and I was right there.

Need HIM, Need to Happen; All on HIM

Tomorrow could be, No tomorrow will be the deciding point of my life. I just hope everything works out for me(please wish me luck, cause I need it). I think, want to believe that the FORCE is with me AND if not I will try, do the impossible to find it. Please take my shyness away and put all my expectations instead. If he say NO, well at least I know that is time to try to kill, stop that love for him; but what about if he says YES(literally nothing will affect me at that point, not even home problems; cause with that love I will fix home problems. Is a promise), that YES, OOG(OH Our God) I will, would be so F-ing HAPPY, GLEEFUL, GAY, JOYFUL, CAREFREE; and so much HAPPY synonyms. So, wish me the best and not the worst Please(please). Thanks and see(write) you tomorrow folks.

Afraid of Everything, Even of Love

I'm AFRAID of:

Almost everything, but anyway I will say some example like: Afraid of new and old things, strangers, people thoughts of me, afraid of my looks; in how I look and I will look. Also afraid of family, money,overpower, abuses, accidents, speaking, languages, normal everyday tasks, and much more.

The FEinsideAR

The most scary thing in my life right now is saying I LOVE YOU to someone very special and unique to me. Is the thing that I most fear. Could you imagine if when you declare the love to you life mate he/she say NO? My life will be destroy in so many peaces and all my FORCE will be gone forever and ever. That's why I don't say I LOVE YOU to him, cause I DON'T wanna loose him. So, what do you recommend me to do? I will be very thankful to know.

Fin(Google Translate)

What are you fears? Hope they are not the same as mine. Please be brave and try to fight them. i once was afraid of spiders and guess what I did; I hold one in my hand, cry a little but it was worth it cause I loose my fear forever and ever. Love is our biggest fear and not even with the right amount of FORCE we can't fight him or can we? Good question. What do you think? Please feel free to share and comment I will, would really appreciated; loose your fears at least one at the time.

What's the P.INT?

I keep asking

What's the point of doing certain things? Do you know? I hope you do, because not knowing the point feels the same as not knowing the meaning of life. Again, What's the point of striving and never getting nothing back? What's the point of loving if you don't get any love back? What's the point of being patient if we never get what we are waiting for? I mean why, why we keep trying being perfect when nobody is? What's the point of living? What's the point of dying? What's the point of wanting? What's the point of doing good or bad? Can someone or something answer me?

I had lived the good of the worst things

I sometimes(mostly of the time) feel like whatever I'm doing I'm doing it wrong. I don't know why, but I know is wrong and when I realize that what I was doing is OK..., but then is to late. I guess I was missing the point of doing it right or wrong. When people ask me about my life I only say little and our conversation is too short, why? Well, because I only tell them what is good in my horrible life and sometimes (again mostly of the time) I made up things, just for not looking weird; I just don't want people to know or realize an of my problems.

I wish that it was me, I wish that I was the one alcoholic, the one being a bad parent, the one that abuses, the one racist, the one homophobic, the one that commit the mistakes and the one made the choices; because I know if I was the one I know I could be the one that put a stop and fix everything for the good of everyone in this mad F-ing world we call home.

What should/could I do?

I have run out of options, so many things to do, but I guess I have no guts for doing anything right; not even guts for putting an end to the problems of my miserable life, because that's me; I have try it but I just can't, is like something is pulling me out of that path because I still have some purpose in this F-ing life. Then if I have a point for why I'm living, WHY is that I keep suffering and regretting every second of my life? I believe that I'm not the only one feeling like that or else the world will be happier. Don't you think the same?

Fin(Google Translate)

The point is(I think) that we have to keep asking ourselves and the people around us what the point is? Please, just listen to what you feel is the point, no what you think; because some thinks really only come from the heart. The point if you know it please be free to comment and share your opinion.

The FORCE is Need it

Life's Crush

I more than aware that I'm not the only one, that has trouble saying I love someone close to me. Like, that what almost every teenager romantic movie is about; but still I can find a a way to say it or to express it. Do I need help? Of course, I do; but who to ask. Anyway, it just drive me crazy(can't sleep, can't stop fantasizing about a imaginary relationship and all the nights before I go to sleep I say I'm going to declare to that person, but when the Sun is out the next day all that I say and promise is gone in a second; tell me if that is not craziness), and do not let me live my normal life.( WTF is normal) Today I was going to move a little and start flirting, but guess who was not present today; if you say the person that I'm attracted to then you are right. This coincidences makes me think we are not suppose to be together, destiny is trying to stop me. Well, destiny get out of my way, because I'm not given up for anything, because as long as I have an opportunity I will, would keep trying until I die. I feel, I'm sure people has to build their own destiny and that what I'm going, trying to do.

Why do I need the FORCE with such hurry?

Well, now that you know I little you should understand why, I mean is clear why I need the Force to. The Force that I talk about is the one that give me strength enough to express my feeling toward that so special person, because if I don't hurry up he/she will be taking and then my door to truly happiness will be close; and all because I didn't had the Force. The Force, the one from the Star Wars movies and the one that is need it in life, some people are born with it so happy for them); but others like me need to find it by ourselves, sometime we die without having it and I'm don't want to be one of them. I only have so little time to use the Force or else, I don't want to even think what is going to happen if I don't find and use that Force.

Society makes us need the FORCE.

Society, so pretty if it didn't exist. Society makes us do such terrible things, for example:

Changing our bodies, just because looks are first then literally everything
Changing our personalities, to be friends with someone other than the people you know
Lying about what we like, to not be awkward, odd or even crazy
Hiding the things we do really like, to try to at least fit in
Following stupid Trends, to again try to fit in with the people are "supposed to be normal"
Hiding our feelings toward the people we love, because we are afraid of society's reaction
Changing your feelings and trying to like someone when you already like to death someone, because some things are accepted and others not in society
Accepting every critique and can't complain about it it only makes it worst

The list I know is longer, but this are the ones that I first remember, but if you have others I will be more than happy of hearing it(reading it actually).

Fin(Google Translate)

So, I just hope you understand what the Force is and why is need it in this F-ing society; at least I need it. Do you need the Force to, and for what purpose? please tell me I like knowing people thoughts about important things.

Patience

I have patience, for most things; but I honestly wish I didn't know what patience was. Why? Well, simply because patience kills desires, dreams, hope, opportunities and any progress. Patience stops times and dry out all your options slowly, but effective. Seconds turn into minutes, then hours turn into days; that same days turn into countless years. An that were you life went without you noticing, your life was drain by patience. That same patience you need in order to wait in a line or just going to work in the middle of a infinite traffic; but be careful cause patience had taken my life await, because I had patience with everything in my life; I always thought someday things were going to change by themselves; but they never did. Here who I'm and will be forever if I keep being patient. I did not wish patience not even to my worst enemy and I hate so many people.( no more than 10 and less than 100)So hope you learned something and that you at least omit some errors that could occur when having patience.

Personal Tip #5

Quote:

I f life put you a barrier in love and you can't break it or jump over or go under it; then what you got to do is to trespass it without touching it or making any contact with it. Never learn to accept the barrier. There always a way for love to trespass that barrier.
by me

What is Left

Lyrics by Tier Rama(not my real name)

I want to cry
Life expectancy has going down for me
Life is a lie
No matter how hard you try
You keep falling, falling in
In what is left
Of your life
Your only life

The day starts
Me inside of the leftovers of my life
Life is a bitch
I wish to change
I wanna change
Still the pain
Is in my change
And it won't go
Anywhere

Following what is left of the path
The path that once
Show me how to smile
That path, that road
Is still goes on
But with inexact directions
I wish to find
What is left
What is left of that path
Of that path

Here I'm
Deciding were or not I should go
Go to where?
I mean nothing is left
Left for me
That direction lead me to the wrong way
I wanna, I want to go there
I aim, I hope to find it out
By myself, my only self

Is a harsh way
Following that path
Of what is left
But I will find it
Colonize by myself
I mean that my path
Of what is left
Of my life
Is mine.

Personal Tip #4

Quote:

Quote: Free time, what is that? You mean arrange time for fixing, organizing your F-ing( you must know what F-ing means; if not be grateful) life, because that is what is for.
by me

Chances are?

Good Feelings Vs. The Rest

What are the chances of someone feeling happy or sad? You know it or you just google it. Either way of how you feeling you should know that you are not the only one feeling like that, that there other people around the world feeling just like you; I mean we are such a big species we share everything , still we are not the same as others. The only thing that unite us are our problems, feelings and desires. I bet my clear mind(psycho toughs) that you had smile at least one point in your life and cry too ( crying is the most common one). Feeling lonely, why? don't tell me you forgot about overpopulation. So many of us; still we feel isolated and in solitary. So, again what are the chances tell me?

Anyone could do it?

Have you ever apply for a job or just take part in a pageant or some kind of competition? Well, I had and I have to tell you I never get the fist place or any place to be clear. Why is this happening? What are the chances of me winning or loosing, what are the probabilities of me getting what i want and fight for or just being an extra for other people's life. I hate birthdays parties (the kid's ones), why? Well, just because they invite so much people just for fulling the picture and making the birthday kid feel the spotlight(at least one in his/her life); I mean you feel like a superstar in your first 11 birthdays( that was the amount for me, don't have to be the same for you). I'm getting off track sorry I'm not an experienced writer. Let's keep talking about the chances( you always get the good or bad chance?) and how they are a leading part in our lives(if you have one). If you play the lottery you may understand me at least a little( i can't play the lottery; what about you?), because living is the trickiest lottery to ever be created; we bet so much and for the most time(always) we get nothing(that's in my case; what about you winner?). I just want to know so hard how winning something without any effort feels like(I know you also want).

Fin( Google Translate)

Do you think is fair for some people to win things without putting any sweat in the process?

How do chances affect you?

What was you favorite birthday party? and by favorite I mean the most happy one not the most expensive one.

Do you relate to at least something of all the (cr#p) I talk or you are better at everything? If you are relate that's sad, because I feel sad, is I guess OK or not OK(I don't know sorry) ; the point is that we got to fight for that happiness and never give up ( literally never give up). Not even when life close all your doors, because you still can escape through the window(metaphor).

Monday, April 18, 2016

Abnormal

Everyone looks good except for you, and you have always and excuse to tell yourself you are ugly.

Am I the only one that looks in a mirror and says WTF is happening with my body I mean is not like everyone is perfect; but society had put in our tiny minds what a healthy, pretty, and normal human being looks like but for the rest of us we have to try to adjust that picture in order to fit in ( not talking about obesity in general). I just wanna wake up one day and say I actually look good; but I guess that a thing that never is going to happen.

Personal Tip #3

Quote:

Never stop loving even if you do not receive love back ,because at the of the end story that love is going to break any barrier by doing that the person being loved will realize and give it a chance I mean that’s all what I need, just a little chance to show all my love for him.
by me

Him

Lyrics by Tier Rama (not my real name)

You save me from the chaos
You make me see the light
That great creator
He put you in my sight
Now I see you
And I’m thankful to God
For making you
You are the one
The only one
You bandit, stole my virgin heart
And so much more than that
Even my mind

There is not a way of describing
How I feel right now
I wish you know it to
Oh I wish that you know it to
At least only a part of it
That’s all what I asking for
To you to give me
The chance
What I want is only
A piece of love back
I promise to you
I will make you happy
So happy, too happy
Just give a chance
Give a hand
A loving hand
Please
That what I only
I only I’m asking from you
I promise the day
That you realize
What I feel for you
You will, you would always remember me
Always love me

Him so him
So clueless of how I feel
For him
Through him
And without him nothing was made
Nothing was made
Not even the most tiny thing was made

Never give up in you true love
Because is like loosing
Literally your life
Like committing suicide
Don’t give up
Never give up
Never stop
Stop trying to get your love back
You deserve that
From him
Don’t hesitate don’t care
Just care about him
Just Him

I love him
I want him
I need him
I want to have the courage
Need it to say it
To shout it
To show it
To him
To him

I saved it inside
All this time
Now look what it cost me
Full of regret
And I’m still without him
Losing my life
Losing my hope
But not for him
He is my only truly love
They may say is common that it goes on
Don’t listen to them, can’t hear it
But I know that this love
Will never go
Will never go

But I got to say
That I never give up
At least not in this life my love
For him it goes on
Goes on like infinity.

Feeling Alive

Lyrics by Tier Rama (Not my real name)

Have you got that feeling?
You may be know what
It feel so great, so wonderful, almost exquisite
Like a lightning storm in space
In space

Wander what it is
I do
I do, you do like it yeah
Find it great so great
But I know is only for today
For today
Because that what
Feeling alive feels like
It make you think that you are so fine
So fine

Feeling alive
Is your worst enemy
It may even make think that everything is easy
So easy, too easy
But in reality the only that is easy
Is the feeling of death
Getting it
Feeling alive may even make you go so depress
May even make you go insane
It makes you feel full
When your heart is completely empty
Completely empty
That’s why I think
That’s what I see
But what I know
I never felt love
At least never back

Feeling alive
Feeling alive
So full of life
Full of life
Fool of life
I wish I know what it feels like
Feeling alive
It all a lie
It is even possible for us
To feel, to feel, to feel alive
Just tell me now
Can my heart feel like living
When I’m just dying
Is this feeling magic
I don’t think is even real
It makes you crazy
It makes you happy
But at what cost
If it make you ignore the sadness around you
That’s what feeling alive
Really feels like.

Personal Tip #2

Quote:

Don’t wish to be full of happiness because that same happiness will make you ignore the sadness around you and how you suppose to fix it if you can’t see it.
by me

Running Away

Lyrics by Tier Rama ( not my real name)

It all start it, like a nightmare
Mom dying and me left all alone
Trying to keep it up
Can’t talk about it; only regret it all.
All the pain, all the memories and none are happy
It seems it only can get worse.

What seems like joy, is only pain
No good emotions can fix the grief, that I feel
All on me, All on me, Only me
But it seems like I find an escape.

I will, I’m running away
From all the death and the despair
You won’t find me anywhere
Running away from all the pain,
Leaving all the poison behind me
Don’t care about them
I’m, I did choose my own way
My path is clear I only need myself and his love
Of course and his love and God
Because I control what is left behind
Of my only truly own faith.

A fresh start, doing just fine
I just realize that I have him left
A source of light
To shout the dark
Erase all the pain, and I have him left
A new start, a whole new life with him is what I want
They may call, they may strike but our love can silence them
All of them
Is all about running away
I’m running away from the pain,
But this time I did find my own way
Without them
Cause loving him means loving myself
And that’s why I am just running away.
From all the pain.

Do I Give Up?

Are you there?

It seems like nobody is reading this so should I give up, the answer is definitely NO; even is I'm the only reading my own stuff it doesn't matter because at least I try and trying is better than doing absolutely nothing. So I hope sometime soon someone read this(please comment if you read it).

Hope You

Read me

I want and I hope someone is enjoying something from anything that is in here; if you do tell me what. Please I really appreciate if you will comment about in what mood were you reading one of the post and what mood were you after reading. Thanks.

Personal Tip #1

Quote:

Choose love first than rater being alone, no matter how hard it can be you only need love; love makes everything feel good, even pain.

by me

New Way of Living

Hi,

And thanks for visiting. Anyway I create this website to share my thoughts and personal experiences, like a reality show and see what people reaction are so hope you enjoy it. I really will like to receive personal critique of the stuff that I upload, so don't worry I can handle it even the more offensive comments. If you like any of what you see I will love it to you to share with the world, thanks and hope you are not losing your time in vain.