Trying Neww Stuf

Tomorrow, whole new day, opportunities everywhere; but tomorrow nothing new for me . I want to try new things, but what new things. I'm very weird when labeling what is fun and what isn't. So, maybe friday(totomorrow, cause today is wednesday) a may try a very new thing, that I really love to try it out. Is fun, full of love and kind of something that the old me will never do, but screw him( not HIM, just me). So,wish me the best of the lucks, cause, because I really need it(CRITICALLY). No, I have not forget HIM, I'm trying do. Neww Stufs here I come.

I Wonder How I Will Seem?

Futurum

Hey future, do I make it? That's a critical question in people(at least me) life. I mean, is your F-ing future, no one else would lived for you; only you can live that future that will become a present someday soon or far it depends. Living your present is a divine gift(don't ask me who, you figure that one out; sorry). So, will I make it? Sometimes, being honest I wish I didn't make it; because the future that I'm seem that is the most probable to happen, is not a happy future is just like my present but worst(tell me about depression). I do hope your future is better than mine, good luck. 

I Can't Forget HIM

It seems like nothing can't make me forget HIM for just one second. What should I do? I mean I just can't get amnesia. Today I try ignoring HIM, but as always DESTINY finds a way of putting HIM in my path; I have to admit I always LOVE  seeing HIM. So, today was a short day or at least I didn't really spend it all. I just can't stop imagining me and HIM spending time together, holding hands, kissing, meeting like a couple, being in an actual romantic-relationship , and doing so more things together always together; I want to be part of his world(Now I get the "Little Mermaid" song), I want to be more than his friend that he just see two times a day and don't really talk. I want to spend private time with HIM, just me and HIM. Both getting asleep in each other shoulders. I wish that every second of my life, still very very very very very very very very very very sadly nothing good happen; no progress at all, just the opposite regress. So, tomorrow I just wish something good to me happens and that involves HIM.

The Star that makes my Starry Night

Rising Light

Well, it seems like time cannot fix any of my vast collection of PROBLEMS, but I'm on the point of just not staying sit without doing nothing. I have to be thankful to this blog for letting me express the me trap in me. So, thanks you blog. Remember HIM(that person that I'm in a crazy/death love with even knowing he doesn't love me or never will, would) he still being my light and I don't know why; is in my being to love him without any reason(just want reason the fact that he is HIM). Well, it seems like since the day I declare to HIM and he said NO(so sad, life crushing moment for me), it seems like destiny doesn't want to give up on HIM. The reason for me saying this is that now I see HIM even more than before(and I love seeing more of HIM everyday), so that's why I think that. Please tell me if I should not think that? A light has risen to my life,  it seems that someone likes me(so odd, you sure is not a dream/wish). Likes me for real; tomorrow I will confirm that and see what is going to happen with that likes. I just want that other people love towards me will make me stop/forget my love for HIM.

Not Losing Hope

Results

Remember how excited I was yesterday and how I talk(write) about how today a series of events were suppose to happen and change my life forever and ever? Well, the events occurred and i guess they turn out somewhat good; but one of the two events kind of disappoint me  and heartbreak me for the rest of my life; probably I will, would look depress for the rest of the week  and weekend; but the worst that i will, would have to hide that depression for the rest of my life, I mean I'm always pretending to fit in, to be happy, to normal, and depression doesn't look normal in society.

What Happen or Wanted to Happen

First( you don't have to suppose to use the word first as a paragraph started or else you are not a good writer; luckily I don't flipping care), i declare to my best friend that I strongly trust that I'm Homosexual(Gay), she reacted OK I guess she accepted and promise me to keep it as a secret. That was more than perfect.

Second(not suppose to use second either), I declare to her that they GUY that I'm attracted to(my crush, my soul mate, the one that brings happiness to me, and even more) is her ex-boyfriend; again she didn't care and take it OK(they were in a relationship that literally lasted 3 F-ing days, and she did't like him; I mean she left him). So, 2 out of 3 things were perfect, so perfect. Oh, I almost forgot my friend guess who I was attracted to and she was right(she know me so much).

Thirdly(never use this one either), the horrible moment is here, finally what you all were waiting for. Well, the FORCE did help me(thanks you FORCE) to declare to that person that I'm still in love with. How he reacted? Fine I guess he didn't understand at first(so cute) and like was really confused and when he realized he just quote say this "No"(that NO break my life and hope, it shoot down the light that he once, still makes inside of my heart, soul and everything; I just wanted a YES and what do I get NO). What a NO a so important No; but the only good thing is that he promise to keep it as a secret for the rest of my friends, so i should be thankful for that. The day pass I feel like a piece of nothing at all; my head's freeze thinking and remembering that NO moment I mean why?

Finally(you could use this), I still have some expectations and hopes in love; but my first truly love is off the limits, is not his fault being who he is, I don't judge him I'm proud of him being him. I just wanted a chance an opportunity; but doors are closed for me, it seems like it.

Darkness can't exist without Light

Hope is still in me, because the way he reacted he take it so easy and smiled looked happy to me. So, there's hope for me I guess, I want to believe that(please let the hope hit me and open at least one opportunity). So, the happy, sincere, clear, positive, funny part of me goes in him forever and ever. I will, would have to learn to live like this, learn to be another; like a chameleon use camouflage for this live battle that only ends with death.So, tell me where or not you think it went good or bad; because I really don't know and I was right there.

Need HIM, Need to Happen; All on HIM

Tomorrow could be, No tomorrow will be the deciding point of my life. I just hope everything works out for me(please wish me luck, cause I need it). I think, want to believe that the FORCE is with me AND if not I will try, do the impossible to find it. Please take my shyness away and put all my expectations instead. If he say NO, well at least I know that is time to try to kill, stop that love for him; but what about if he says YES(literally nothing will affect me at that point, not even home problems; cause with that love I will fix home problems. Is a promise), that YES, OOG(OH Our God) I will, would be so F-ing HAPPY, GLEEFUL, GAY, JOYFUL, CAREFREE; and so much HAPPY synonyms. So, wish me the best and not the worst Please(please). Thanks and see(write) you tomorrow folks.

Afraid of Everything, Even of Love

I'm AFRAID of:

Almost everything, but anyway I will say some example like: Afraid of new and old things, strangers, people thoughts of me, afraid of my looks; in how I look and I will look. Also afraid of family, money,overpower, abuses, accidents, speaking, languages, normal everyday tasks, and much more.

The  FEinsideAR

The most scary thing in my life right now is saying I LOVE YOU to someone very special and unique to me. Is the thing that I most fear. Could you imagine if when you declare the love to you life mate he/she say NO? My life will be destroy in so many peaces and all my FORCE will be gone forever and ever. That's why I don't say I LOVE YOU to him, cause I DON'T  wanna loose him. So, what do you recommend me to do? I will be very thankful to know.

Fin(Google Translate)

What are you fears? Hope they are not the same as mine. Please be brave and try to fight them. i once was afraid of spiders and guess what I did;  I hold one in my hand, cry a little but it was worth it cause I loose my fear forever and ever. Love is our biggest fear and not even with the right amount of FORCE we can't fight him or can we? Good question. What do you think? Please feel free to share and comment I will, would really appreciated; loose your fears at least one at the time.